Words.

(The other day) A thought I had a few minutes ago.  I have this sentiment a lot, but these are these words I was thinking..."I wish that I could lay my heart on a piece of paper and it would write out all its thinking (feeling) as opposed to me trying and failing and not doing justice because its inevitably seemingly impossible to use words to explain how I feel about things."  It's true because I may read about something so horrid that has happened in someone's life or someone may tell me something that has effected them greatly (two real life recent instances) and I feel so much, but I just can't gather the words to say.  It's happened a lot lately.  I feel so strongly towards something, but it doesn't seem that any words/word will be able to suffice how I feel.  Because words is our medium or least our most common medium to explain how we feel about something.  And I could try to word how I am feeling by writing or speaking until I have no more words, but still I don't think that would be enough.  And isn't it annoying when we don't even know how to express something using words?  We don't even know the words to use?  We could use other mediums like painting or playing music or something, but would that suffice either?  And when I want to explain something that can't be explained because there aren't words to explain their depth or their intensity is even more frustrating.  When I want to explain something that is beyond horrid.  And I could describe it, but still words would fail.  Something could be so beautiful, but only so many words would do...they would still run out.  I am so thankful for words and the ability I have to use them and the capability.  I am glad they are means for me to express and to describe, but I will admit the frustration that comes when I can't describe the way my heart feels.  There are times when my head is full and my heart so heavy that I don't even know where to begin nor do I want to try to figure how to explain how I am feeling or what I am thinking.  There are times, like that when I am just at  a loss for words, but perhaps this is appropriate, perhaps this is supposed to happen, maybe I don't always need to speak.  And perhaps we aren't mean to fully be able to describe, perhaps that's a part of wonder and amazement and I think it's the reality that I am a mere human and I do have limits.  Which is a frustrating reality.  Perhaps it is also a reminder of where I stand in comparison to God, a humble reality check maybe?  He's the one in control, not me.  But as my previous sentiment allows, it would be crazy but ever so helpful if my heart could just write or even speak for itsself, wouldn't it?  Or maybe if I could just open my mouth and I could just start speaking what my heart felt?  Or maybe I could hold a pen in my hand and it would start writing.  I see the reality, but it's inevitably still difficult when I feel so much, but I can only say some much.  But, I guess I will also repeat that I am really thankful for words, nonetheless.  So, what do I do with this?  Do I remain dissatisfied?  Do I realize that I am blessed and move on?  Do I learn to write more?  Because in fact, I do love words, but I am not always diligent in using them.  Hmmm...